Neil in Zim: This post is long overdue, excellence, and ancestral lands

Firstly, my apologies for neglecting to write this. I have a running Apple note where I compile all of my thoughts to make this post – there are a lot of thoughts but I don’t think I can reasonably share all of them, so here are my highlights from the past month and a half.

In mid-February, students from school competed in the Zimbabwe Science Fair, which is Zimbabwe’s national science fair that qualifies students for the International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF) in the US, sponsored by Regeneron, etc. I helped students enter the fair and prepare for their presentations. Very excitingly, our school was the most represented, swooped the most awards, and my advisee won a spot to attend ISEF. It was a very full-circle moment for me to mentor students and see them excel at the competition. I also gave a guest lecture (with Alexa) to all of the competitors on the scientific method … we bought cilantro and did some hypothesis-testing regarding the soapy taste of cilantro and gender. It was odd, but extremely interactive. The students definitely regard us now as weird Americans (but they wouldn’t be wrong). At the awards ceremony, they started the show with a Hindu prayer (Om Bhur Bhuva Swaha) which I somehow started to sing along to. It was odd, I didn’t realize the school that was hosting was a Hindu school until I saw oms around the school and a lot of Indian people.

That week, I also hosted a piano recital for the 5 students taking piano lessons with me. It was nerve-racking for them, but fun for me to put together a program, invite other students and teachers, and watch my students perform Suzuki book 1 pieces.

Around the same time that happened (mid-February), I was asked if I want to extend my contract. I was extremely flattered, but I think I’ve been slowly spiraling since – contemplating what I am doing with my life and what my purpose is. More on this later.

Alexa took me to a trivia night with a bunch of expats (including folks from the US Embassy). I met the wife of an embassy officer who is the quintessential white mom. She described to me how she spends time doing yoga, maintaining her Spain Airbnb remotely, and proceeded to take out a Ziploc bag of lemon juice to pour into her own drink because she doesn’t like the lemon they put in her vodka. One of the comments she made was on the quality of the Zimbabwe bills (tattered, dirty, raggedy -- I regularly carry them around because I live out in the rural areas of Zim) and that we’d need to take a tetanus shot after touching them. I talked to her about the White Lotus and she said she loved it (though I feel like for different reasons than I – I enjoyed it for the commentary on colonialism, I feel like she found it relatable). We ended up winning at trivia night (shoutout to Alexa for answering so many questions). I was very disappointed that I could not remember that another name for the armpit is the axilla.

I frequently get reminded of the reality I am living and how different my life used to be. Power outages and load shedding have been extremely bad lately – gone for 17 hours in a day, comes back around 11pm and leaves at 5am. After complaining one day about not being able to charge my devices, a TA told me, “This is the AFRICAN experience, people actually pay money to experience this [power outages] and you’re getting it for free.” I guess there’s some truth to that. One of the teachers described me to students that I am the “American who is here to help the poor African children,” which I guess also has some truth to that. The students laughed when they heard that, and I also try to make them laugh but I think lately, my English has been extremely unrelatable (or I am just not funny).

I really enjoyed Rihanna’s half-time show. That is all I have to say on that matter.

Alexa and I attended one of the school’s archery tournaments on a Sunday morning and the last round was the parents’ round. We both entered, but I quickly got out after the first round. Alexa did well, but in the end, one of my students made it to the final two. Not sure why it was called a parent round.

I finally finished reading Eat, Pray, Love – I ended up really enjoying the Eat and Pray parts, not so much the Love part, though. Dad went to India lately and I asked him to go to an ashram for me and meditate. There is this 10-day meditation workshop called Vipassana Meditation around the world that one of my colleagues is attending in South Africa. You go there, get rid of all your devices and tangibles, and follow a strict schedule of medication. I think I need to do that one day. I watched the movie and it was horrid, absolutely terrible. The acting was terrible, the sense of direction was lacking, and what I missed the most was the candidness that the book had.

Been thinking a lot more about ancestry lately – my students talk a lot about the ancestors. When one student had a leg injury, I sat with her on a reed mat in the middle of our library tending to her. Her roommate came up to us and said that the ancestors are not happy, and that she needs to go back to her ancestral lands to resolve her illness. Neil from 9 months ago would have thought that was insane but lately I’ve been wondering about the power of the ancestors. A few weeks later, I sat underneath some balancing rocks at night, looking at every visible star in the sky, listening to two teachers play Wena Zula Napelela on traditional Zimbabwean instruments.

I’ve been trying to learn isiNdebele recently (which is another common language here in Zim, but is clicking language). I would say I am pretty good now, as evidenced by a conversation I had with one of my students:

“Kunjani,” I said.

“Ngiyaphila,” he responded.

“Iqanda,” I clicked.

“Ikolo,” he clicked back.

Which all roughly translates to:

“How’s it going?”

“I’m fine.”

“Egg.”

“Waist.”

I got a haircut in early March, which I was overcharged for (paid more than I pay in the US), and it was not good. Apparently, I was charged 3 times more because of my hair type (non-Black) or my skin color. The following day, my car tire went flat and with the help of some teachers, we haphazardly put my spare on the car. I then slowly drove to the side of the road and paid a man $5 to fix it, which took him 3 hours to do very questionable things to the wheel. Driving back, the police brigade (which escorts ministers, presidents, ambassadors, etc.) sped past me and threw trash in my car (hitting the back of my head). To say the least, those few days were not the greatest for me. To add onto that, I only recently learned that the fungal infection on my face is not a fungal infection and is in fact bacterial. My doctor told me that Africa has not been treating me well lately and I nearly started crying.

One thing I haven’t been able to do lately is speak American – I’ve been speaking English a lot, but was only able to reconnect with American English when I went to Zanzibar for my PiAf mid-year retreat. (Note: I did not like Kenya Airways – the route was extremely turbulent and the plane was ancient. On the safety video, they told us not to take out phones [Nokia brick], gaming devices [Gameboy], or music players [a Walkman].) Zanzibar was gorgeous, and it was a really nice to reconnect with the other fellows. We spent the first few days in the retreat doing professional development, workshops, activities, and reflecting. During the retreat, I quickly realized that I really love my fellowship – the impact I get to make, the way I have been immersed into the culture, and the students I get to teach. However, I also realized that I am extremely tired and that the work I am doing may be beyond my capacity. I met a fellow who said her life question is to understand why men want to kill women – it made me think about what my life question should be and how it’s been changing lately. I met another fellow who wants to be an engineer that doesn’t build things. And I was able to connect with all my other fellows who I met at orientation that I missed dearly. Zanzibar is so lovely (I went to Stonetown and Jambiani) if you ever go, and has a lot of Indian and Islamic influence.

The only downside was the second to last day.

I spent the morning swimming in the Indian Ocean, reading Wretched of the Earth (on the importance of violence in decolonization), went to a cave pool, then spent the afternoon surfing (or at least attempting to). I only caught 5 waves before I got extremely nauseous. While trying to calm myself down, a small bluebottle sea creature stung my wrist, and I thought I was going to combust. On the boat ride back, I vomited three times into the ocean, where my ancestors were watching over. In the taxi ride back, I vomited into my mouth and then on the side of the road as Zanzibarians watched me in horror. Jiwoo has been concerned why I’ve been vomiting so much lately (see January 6th post). I get motion sickness very easily (cars, planes, buses, trains, swings, etc.).

There was a national festival of arts (NIAA) in Zim, and several students won high honors and awards at the festival for mbira, a cappella, and other performances. I entered some unaccompanied Bach and Prokofiev and somehow won a trophy for best instrumental sonata. The judge was very kind and said I had one of the best renditions of Bach that he will never forget. I’m now getting quite excited for conservatory!

My student who was deferred from Stanford early action just got in regular decision. I am very proud of him, but for some reason, his acceptance made me realize that I don’t think this job is for me – at least now. I still have a lot to learn and grow, and although I am making an impact, I feel that my impact here could be much greater with more academic training or other professional experience. I think a lot about what Lee Eysturlid (my high school history teacher) once told me: he argued that when trying to achieve equity, you often lose excellence – which frustrates me and which I completely disagree with, as evidenced by my students, their accomplishments, and their stories. What I realized is that I need to think about this more, but please do share thoughts on navigating my quarter-life crisis.

We wrapped up the term at school with exams, projects, and Intersession. In music theory, I have students analyze a song/piece of their choice using basic elements of music and for some reason, a student chose the song Koi Mil Gaya, an Indian song I grew up listening to, and one that he also grew up to. All in all, I think the many references to India this post is indicative that I need to spend some time in my ancestral lands.