Neil in Zim: On belonging

I’ve been feeling that my sense of belonging has been drifting away. We celebrated Africa Day (a national holiday to celebrate Africa), and the students put on a fantastic showcase. It was so nice to see my students being happy, dancing and singing, but I realized that I do not fit in here. I cannot stand up and dance with them, I cannot laugh at the jokes they make in Shona, and I cannot appreciate their own culture as much as they do. My supervisor has been talking about community a lot (the middle name of our school in community … USAP Community School), and the idea of being a part of community instead of having an us vs. them. I truly felt like I belonged here, but lately not so much. I think it’s because of some of the conflicts I’ve been having with colleagues as well.

There are several male colleagues who I find to be quite belligerent and disrespectful. There is a sense of entitlement they carry when they walk around – they make noise wherever they want, blast music as they please, and voice their mediocre opinions whenever they feel. I actually moved rooms at the beginning of the term because the room next to me (filled with boy TAs) was getting obnoxiously loud; and despite my pleas and reasoning, they would not adjust. Today, the issue has not been addressed formally, which I think is insane – making a senior faculty member move because junior faculty where disrespectful. Then again, I think people respect me less, perhaps because of my age or because of the color of my skin.

One of my students showed up late to a very important meeting with me that we had scheduled the day before, and I asked her why she was late. She told me that she was called to another meeting at the same time last minute, and when she tried to reason with the TA, he said that she only wants to leave his meeting because he’s black.

Even if it was a joke, I was really taken aback that the TA seems to have a problem with my identity – and to bring it up to a student is extremely inappropriate. Along the same lines, the male faculty are very good at making inappropriate comments (sexist [women should be submissive], racist, homophobic, etc.) in the faculty office – and students often hear their comments. It’s especially disappointing since the Humanities teacher works so hard to dismantle bigoted rhetoric in class, but then when teachers use it so haphazardly hurts the education system so much.

I’ve spoken to my supervisor about this and she shares the same upset that I have. However, she says I need to speak with my other supervisor if I want to address this. To be honest, I do … but I’m tired. I don’t have the energy to try to be a woke social justice warrior, and I’ve realized I cannot live in a socially conservative nation where people (men) can voice their pathetic thoughts.

On a more positive note, I was in Bvumba (the eastern highlands) with Alexa two weekends ago. We enjoyed staying at The White Horse Inn (very colonial [non-derogatory] hotel), a lovely hike through the botanical gardens, a less-lovely hike to view the gorgeous mountains of Mozambique, as well as a fantastic cake and tea at a cute coffee shop in the middle of the mountains.

I spent the weekend in Victoria Falls with Elbi and Esther, and it was like a movie. Dinner cruise on the Zambezi river with hippos, a huge AirBnB all to us, zip lining through the falls, a walk into Zambia from Zimbabwe, getting drenched by the falls, and a cultural dinner and show (with a fortune teller reading). I felt very conflicted by the dinner and show (it was too touristy for me), but my fortune teller told me that I will have good health, success, and that I have a lot more that I am going to do (but also I need to remember that time is time). Thanks, Elbi and Esther, for a lovely weekend retreat. Pictures below.

One of my students was at ISEF a few weeks ago (which is a big deal … but such a headache – helping her with GoFundMe, making her poster, rehearsing her presentation and drilling her with questions), but she did phenomenally ($10,000 special award prize) and was the top performer out of all Zimbabweans who went. It means a lot, especially coming from a low-resource school, for us to have sent her there and her to shine. She brought me back a big Hershey’s chocolate (which, again, means a lot since I have no idea where she could get the money to buy chocolates) and also made me realize I miss home since you can’t find Hershey’s in Zim (not that I would actively look for it, Cadbury is so much better). Anyway, I’m ready to go home.